either way he was missing a nipple.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
