When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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