My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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