I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
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Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
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I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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