he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
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On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
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Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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