oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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