go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Semen is not good for contacts.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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