I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize