the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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