just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
