therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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