So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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