No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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