I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
