officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i've created a new STD.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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