That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
