turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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