My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
