This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
