Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
