I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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