Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
