she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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