They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
