he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
