I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
