You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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