I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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