Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you had me at cake vodka
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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