Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
