broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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