she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
