why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
