Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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