you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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