How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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