Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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