Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
