Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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