Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sacagawea was the original milf.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The adults are the big ones right?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
