My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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