Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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