After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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