The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
