it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
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Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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