life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
