Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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