That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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