Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
