sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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