I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
