I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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