I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
