My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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