Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
