i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
