He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
These tits shall not be calmed
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
