I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
