so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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