I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
50% drunk capacity currently
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
