I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
no, he came in my armpit
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
