I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
